A friend of mine and I were having a discussion over the weekend. Classic girl2girl scenario; we were sitting on my bed sharing a box of Cadbury Allsorts and bitching about the unfairness of life. A familiar and much-exhausted topic propped up in the midst of all the "FML's" and "WTF's" as we threw back our little treats like it would somehow momentarily salvage us from our chaotic lives.
Men.
A favourite subject of mine, and yet somehow I seem to fail at it atrociously.. recently now more than ever. I was illustrating to my friend that, since my terrible break-up with Nutjob, I haven't seemed to be able to find anyone. And the ones I have turn out to be horrible. Like, they give you so much promise yet fail to deliver. "Like this!" I exclaimed as I picked up a hard-centre chocolate -- you know, the ones you almost break your teeth on and which subsequently leaves you with toffee-like goo in between your teeth that even a screwdriver can't pick out?
Terrible, yes, but I digress.
The conversation ended unexpectedly. You see, here I was waiting for my friend to utter some BFF-type word-magic of advice, like -- "You're too good for him" or "You don't need a man" or (my personal fave) "Men are f*#@ed!" -- yet instead, she turns to me and thoughtfully yet says to me in a brutally honest BFF-type fashion, "..You know what your problem is? You are addicted to love. Not only that, but you are addicted to the idea of being in love."
Hang on, what?
"..You love the idea of love. You put up with these nutjobs and stalkers and bad men because you just love love!." -- "..You are a love addict!"
In fairness, my gorgeous and well-meaning friend was right. I love being in love. I love the feeling of it, the security of it, the romance of it. And, like an addict, I continuously sought after it. Even if that meant going to the extent of risking the loss of my self-respect or personal pride in order to find it.
But like any addiction there is a comedown.
Yes, it is true that like any girl I am prone to the fairy-tale ideal of love. I'm one of those believers that 'love makes the world go 'round', and whilst it is an optimistic and endearing way of going about things, it can be harmful when you begin to start sacrificing other things for the thing that you're constantly soughting after. It is true that I have been investing a lot of time in finding a 'Mr. Right' or a 'Mr. Not-Quite-Right-But-Will-Have-To-Do-In-Order-To-Fill-This-Empty-Void-Which-Nutjob-Has-Left-And-Which-Chocolates-Just-Can't-Seem-To-Fix'. But in doing this, I have only attracted bad men. I have unknowingly lowered my bar and have been settling on 'He will do's' instead of "He is wonderful's'.
So how does one cure this sort of addiction? Rehab? Interventions? Celibacy?
Sure, those could work. (?!)
I myself didn't really know the answer to this question. So I turned to my friend and asked her.
"Being in love is only good when it's real and from within," "..right now you are self-medicating with love. Instead, start self-medicating in other ways; do something you love or are pssionate about!"
Self-medicating with love. I like that. And it is a very accurate and creative analogy. (God, I love my best friend!) And although it's better than self-medicating through other means such as booze or drugs, it is still just as damaging.
I have since taken this advice on-board and am beginning the process of weaning-off my love addiction. I have removed every hard-centred chocolate from my chocolate tray..and you know, not having goo stuck between your teeth is a good feeling.
Men.
A favourite subject of mine, and yet somehow I seem to fail at it atrociously.. recently now more than ever. I was illustrating to my friend that, since my terrible break-up with Nutjob, I haven't seemed to be able to find anyone. And the ones I have turn out to be horrible. Like, they give you so much promise yet fail to deliver. "Like this!" I exclaimed as I picked up a hard-centre chocolate -- you know, the ones you almost break your teeth on and which subsequently leaves you with toffee-like goo in between your teeth that even a screwdriver can't pick out?
Terrible, yes, but I digress.
The conversation ended unexpectedly. You see, here I was waiting for my friend to utter some BFF-type word-magic of advice, like -- "You're too good for him" or "You don't need a man" or (my personal fave) "Men are f*#@ed!" -- yet instead, she turns to me and thoughtfully yet says to me in a brutally honest BFF-type fashion, "..You know what your problem is? You are addicted to love. Not only that, but you are addicted to the idea of being in love."
Hang on, what?
"..You love the idea of love. You put up with these nutjobs and stalkers and bad men because you just love love!." -- "..You are a love addict!"
In fairness, my gorgeous and well-meaning friend was right. I love being in love. I love the feeling of it, the security of it, the romance of it. And, like an addict, I continuously sought after it. Even if that meant going to the extent of risking the loss of my self-respect or personal pride in order to find it.
But like any addiction there is a comedown.
Yes, it is true that like any girl I am prone to the fairy-tale ideal of love. I'm one of those believers that 'love makes the world go 'round', and whilst it is an optimistic and endearing way of going about things, it can be harmful when you begin to start sacrificing other things for the thing that you're constantly soughting after. It is true that I have been investing a lot of time in finding a 'Mr. Right' or a 'Mr. Not-Quite-Right-But-Will-Have-To-Do-In-Order-To-Fill-This-Empty-Void-Which-Nutjob-Has-Left-And-Which-Chocolates-Just-Can't-Seem-To-Fix'. But in doing this, I have only attracted bad men. I have unknowingly lowered my bar and have been settling on 'He will do's' instead of "He is wonderful's'.
So how does one cure this sort of addiction? Rehab? Interventions? Celibacy?
Sure, those could work. (?!)
I myself didn't really know the answer to this question. So I turned to my friend and asked her.
"Being in love is only good when it's real and from within," "..right now you are self-medicating with love. Instead, start self-medicating in other ways; do something you love or are pssionate about!"
Self-medicating with love. I like that. And it is a very accurate and creative analogy. (God, I love my best friend!) And although it's better than self-medicating through other means such as booze or drugs, it is still just as damaging.
I have since taken this advice on-board and am beginning the process of weaning-off my love addiction. I have removed every hard-centred chocolate from my chocolate tray..and you know, not having goo stuck between your teeth is a good feeling.
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