I loved this quote;

Happily Ever After's and Creating Your Own Fairytale

Photo Credit: [Artwork: #21 of 24 by 

 http://fineartamerica.com/featured/happily-ever-after-bittersweet-photography-and-jackie-davenport.html]

And they lived happily ever after..


I remember that line being uttered to me on numerous occasions as a child. It'd come straight after a beautiful tale about a princess who was locked in a tower, or held captive by villains, or controlled by an evil stepmother- and it'd always end in her being rescued by her prince. I'd be tucked up in bed ready for sleep, and those words "..and they lived happily ever after" were a source of comfort to me as I began to drift off into my own fairytale.

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Fairytales are a wonderful source of hope and imagination, they offer a source of magic and dazzling romance and add sparkle to our lives; and what I love most about them is that no matter how dark the storyline, there is always a happy ending. Even though fairytales are, well.. tales..they are a beautiful metaphor for reality. Mind you, I'm not saying that you're gonna find yourself ineptly locked away in a tower and pining for Prince Charming to come along on his white stallion and take you back to a faraway land named Duloc to live happy ever after, but if you read the subliminal messages in those stories you will find that they all carry the same message: that even in your darkest hour, things will get better.

But Damsels, we do not have to wait in our towers for a prince to rescue us in order for things to start getting better. We do not have to gaze wistfully out of our castle windows thinking "if only". We do not have to kiss every damn frog in our pond in hope that Mr. Charming will leap up at us and say 'hello'. We can create our own fairytales and 'happily ever after's'.

There's this common theme with the notion of 'happy ever after' - - that our happy ever after will come at the end of our story, just like the fairytales. And whilst that is a nice concept that one day we will be happy and content with our charming prince by our side, it isn't nice for us damsels who want to be happy today!

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We must create our own fairytales!! What's the point in waiting around in a lonely tower in hope that Mr. Prince Charming will come and save us, only to be let-down by our fantasy when we find that behind that helmet and plated armor, our Prince charming is actually a green ogre! --nothing against Shrek of course! -- but what I'm getting at is that we have to stop waiting for that 'one day' and make that day today! Otherwise we are going to continually be left disappointed when our 'one day's' never come, or when they do come but are not as what we expected.

“It's being here now that's important. There's no past and there's no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can't relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don't know if there is one.” ― George Harrison

I think Hollywood is a big perpetrator in conceptualizing this 'happy ever after' myth; that life will become problem-free when we meet our Prince, when we defeat that evil villain, when we fit into our tight corset tulle and lace princess dress. But in real life theres always going to be problems, and Happy Ever After depends largely on what we do today. Imagine what those wondeful fairytales would be like if the leading damsel were to take charge of her own life and circumstances as it was thrown at her? Cinderella would have pummelled her evil step-mom with her dust and pan, and Rapunzel would have found her own way out of that tower using her own strength and wisdom instead of waiting for some prince to rescue her. Instead of being fragile and helpless these princesses could have been feisty and powerful, cos there's nothing more beautiful or magical than a girl who knows how to take care of herself! Unlike the fairytales, your happy-ever-after is not restricted to the time that the clock strikes midnight. So I encourage you each to Write your own beautiful fairytale -- and remember that 'happy ever after' belongs at the beginning- not the end- of the story! 

Happily Ever After begins today.

Riding The Waves Of Change

 Change. Fact is, it will happen; and oftentimes when we least feel ready for it.

As I'm approaching the end of my tertiary studies and nearing the end of a well-ridden comfortable and safe rut I have grown to be accustomed to, I am beginning to feel a sense of dread about what the future holds. It's not like I haven't prepared myself for it - hell, i've spent the past four years working towards it - but truth is it's unnerving. It kind of creeps up on you. Just when you'e feeling on top of your game and finally at ease with how things are, the universe decides to disrupt this comfy pattern that you've managed to grow accustomed to and forces you into a place of temporary uncertainty.. It's deffo an uncomfortable feeling -- especially if your'e like me and like routine and certainty. But even though you can't really prepare yourself for it, you can embrace it and adapt to it when it does happen.

Oftentimes change occurs when you've grown accustomed to and used to your current life pattern. Maybe you've been at the same job for a while now and your days have become as predictable and as regimented as the mornings sun rise. Sometimes it can be emotional change, like learning to cope with the loss of a loved one or boyfriend/girlfriend. Sometimes it is physical, adapting to an injury or illness, the change of a home or city. But overall, what I think freaks people out the most about change is the fact that it is unpredictable. We, as human beings, like the peacefulness which comes with certainty and to keep within our comfort-zones- cos anything outside of that bubble is, well.. scary. You don't know what to expect. But change is also exciting! Not only that, but it is essential to your growth as a human being.

Looking back over my life I can note the times where I have been faced with change. In most instances it seems to have occurred in a period of transition: From primary school to high school, from high school to university, from university to the workforce - you get the picture. It's the transition phase which freaks me out the most cos for a while, your'e completely lost. But it is absolutely necessary--and more often than not, it happens at a time when you absolutely need it the most! It spurs you onto change as a person, it motivates you to re-assess your current lifestyle and to establish future goals -- Change is what makes us grow! The trick is my fellow damsels, to face it head-on and just go with it.

The Day I Tripped Over The Borderline

As stated in my previous post, the reason why I created this Blog was in order to give me some kind of creative outlet as a way to distract me from my own self-pity in the midst of a pretty brutal breakup with my first love.

Nutjob (as I like to call him now) and I were together for three years. We began dating when we were both 18 and had misguided hopes that we'd be together forever.

I met him in a bar. Yes, very generic, and yes, VERY cliche. I had just started my first year at University and I was out with a couple of girlfriends celebrating the beginning of our new journeys. Needless to say, I didn't know that my journey was just about to begin on that very night, and when it did it was gonna be a doozy.

There he was. Sinking back drinks with a bunch of rowdy males. I don't know what exactly attracted me to him in the first place, but I think it was this unique air of confidence he carried; a certain swagger. People just gravitated toward him like a magnet. At that period of my life that 'bad boy' arrogance was (sadly) enough to send me off kilter in dizzyful lust - who doesn't like a good bad boy? - And, a couple of drinks and an exhange of numbers later, we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

Our relationship started out very intense. And when I look back on it now I see the red flags which I didn't see (or chose not to see) at the time. He was quick to profess his love for me- uttering those three magic words on our second date. He talked about marriage and kids and what those kids names would be two weeks in. And two months in I was floating on a cloud with him in complete and utter passionate bliss.

We did EVERYTHING together. All those corny Hallmark manufactured things couples in love do; dates at the movies, dinners, romantic walks, mini golf, video games.. you name it. He clung to me like I was some sort of goddess, and it felt so good. The constant texts, phone calls, wanting to be with me 24/7, was in itself magic, and I felt so lucky to be adored to such an extent. However, it was about 6-12 months into the relationship where I started to see things about him which I previously did not see. . For a guy who held as much spark and pizazz as a firecracker on NYE, it was obviously a bit of a suprise when I saw him curled up in bed crying his eyes out telling me 'he wanted to die'.  I gave him a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to, and thought that perhaps it was just work stressing him out. He refused to talk about whatever it was going on. Just that "I don't know who i am. I feel empty." I remember looking in his eyes and finding that sparkle gone. He was a stranger, cold and distant.

The bouts of depression become more frequent and more intense. he turned to drugs to self-medicate. He began committing petty crimes. He trash-talked his best friends, his family, and even me. I couldn't believe that this person was the same guy who used to inject laughter and happiness into others like the plague. Now, he was a cruel, cold-hearted and angry monster. I missed the guy I once knew and loved. His addiction and erratic behavior began to tear friendships apart, his family relationship apart, and sadly, ours.

One day, after claiming that he no longer knew what he wanted in life I asked if he still wanted me. He said he "needed space" and wanted to "find himself". A 'break'. A break, I later found out, that he was sharing with another girl! Three years of solid loving, no fights, no arguments and here I was- discarded, hurt, and worst of all, lied to by the one guy who I thought I could trust. I remember spending day and night crying, crying, crying. It was the hardest time of my life and I didn't expect it to get much worse. I was then told that he had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and that, basically, he wasn't capable of sustaining real love. That basically, i was living with an illusion for those three years. And that the 6 months I spent grieving over him, he had already romanced and broke up with three different girls without even a hint of remorse for what he did to me. It was if I never even existed to him.They said he can't be treated, and that with the drug abuse and refusal to seek help, there was no hope for change. That I'd never see that guy I once knew ever again.

BUT!

Despite all of this, and despite what *couldn't* be done to help and change him, I was still able to help and change myself.

So, from that point on I decided to let Nutjob go. I deleted him from my cell, from my social networking sites, and attempted to erase him from my mind. I joined the gym, I took up reading and writing again (he hated books) and revisited my love for surfing.(he hated the beach) and slowly without realising, I was getting better.

Today I found myself smiling for no reason.

New Year, New Resolutions

As we all know, the new year brings with it a chance to start anew;

the oh-so-cliche'd notion of a 'New Years Resolution', (you know- 'this year I will stop smoking, I will exercise more, eat less!') is a great way to get us to declutter and throw away old habits, old thoughts and old thinking patterns - even old clothes - and to start fresh. God knows I need to! That's why I decided to create this Blog.

The Modern Day Damsel is my personal blog which touches on love, life, beauty, and most importantly loving oneself.

I am very passionate about the plight of self-love.

It came out of a painful break-up; the loss of a job; a life of a dear friend and relative; and overall a loss of self and sense of direction.

I needed a place to vent and to heal. I believe that writing about your experiences - good and bad - and sharing these experiences, is the quickest, healthiest, and funnest way to self-healing.

I will talk to you more about these experiences I encountered in future posts, and how they spurred me on to this journey of incredible self-discovery.


But until then, let me sign off by saying thank-you for stumbling across this blog and that I really hope my stories will entertain you, captivate you, move and inspire you.

Much love,


Madame Damsel x

Welcome!

Hello
        my fellow Damsels, and greetings to my new blog!


I am so excited to have you with me on this journey.

Together we will map out the intricacies of modern day damsels in distress, and share knowledge and laughs through personal stories of mine and insights I gain along the way.